Title: Hard to See Her Moving On
by SosaLola
Summary: Xander saw something he didn't want to see. GilesAnya. Season 7.


**Title:** Hard to See Her Moving On  
**Characters:** Xander, Anya/Giles  
**Summary:** Xander saw something he didn't want to see.  
**Setting:** Season seven, but before Storyteller.  
**Notes:** This is my first attempt at first person present tense. Thanks so much to **llywela13** for the great help.  
**Disclaimer:** Belongs to Joss and co.  
**Rating:** PG 13  
Again thanks to **llywela13** for the awesome beta!

* * *

I try not to glance her way as she walks into the kitchen. Her walk… it's more like a trot. She's lucky the potentials are filling the place so she won't lock eyes with me. As I'm watching her, I notice the little things. Left hand got the drawer. Right hand got the cup. She's nervous. I'm surprised at how much I know her. Not a bit surprised about her jumpiness. A weak sarcastic remark at Vi. Since when did she fail to throw a sharp one?

Instead of leaving, she waits for the junior pep squad to go out. I thought she'd make a run for it. Anything but talking to me. Guess I still don't know her that well.

It feels like an hour has passed since everyone left. No one is left in the kitchen but us. Disappointment washes over me when I catch her making herself coffee, so I was wrong about her wanting to talk. Don't know her at all.

"You saw," she suddenly says, startling me as I almost stand up to leave.

"What?"

"You saw me and Giles kissing like hungry hyenas."

I groan. "I could do without the image, thank you," I can't shake the annoyance from my voice and it shows how my tone irritates her.

"So, no leaping of the pit bull kind with a crafted axe? Have you just stopped caring?"

I give a halfhearted smile. "I still do," I admit softly, before my eyebrows furrow. "Pit bull?"

She shrugs. "Guess it's more like you trying to axe a pit bull. A bleached, handsome pit bull."

Ha! _Spike_ the dog. An obvious joke, wonder why I haven't used it before. Losing your touch now, Harris. Probably tuned it down so Junior Slayers won't put you together with the comic weasel of geek force.

"I just don't know why… there was no axing," I say, answering her question. "Maybe because I'm moving on, or maybe because I'm finally growing up…" I look up at her. "Or maybe because I think he'd be a better person for you than I ever was."

She finally turns around to look at me. It feels weird the way I can't read her eyes. I guess she agrees with me. She walks toward me with her cup and sits down in front of me. She lazily holds one of my hands and looks at it, breaking eye contact. "You know, as crazy as it sounds, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have made it this far. You're the only one who noticed…"

I laugh. She startles for a second before she gives me the well-known glare that I'm so used to by now. "Look," I start after composing myself. "I appreciate how you try to make it all noble on my part but it's not. I didn't notice you until you came to me, Ahn."

"And you took me in," she persists. "The others never noticed."

I don't buy it. "Because you didn't come to them, maybe if you did…"

"Maybe if I did, I'd be pushed aside like Spike was." She looks hard into my eyes. I drop the cynical act and just wait for her to finish. "Fact is you didn't push me aside. You took time to teach me all about the human culture. Explain the stupid customary traditions. No one even bothered." She leans in to my ear to whispers a soft, "Not even Giles."

Her whisper sends shivers to my spine. The fact that I've kind of won one over Giles brings some optimism into that big hole in my heart.

"I'm not sure I passed for human of the year, but at least I was progressing into one of those weird humans who count with their fingers when the calculator is right next to them." I smile then she purses her lips sheepishly, "Until I blew it… when I accepted D'Hoffryn's offer."

"No, Anya," I almost jumped in a defensive manner, "You-you were devastated… hey, there's no doubt I'd do something uber-ly stupid if I were this…" I trail off at the knowing smile she casts me. It _hits_ me right when I see her beautiful lips curve. I also realize that after all this time she's finally decided to forgive me for what I had done.

Looking at her makes me realize that this moment was one of the rare ones where we both connect, where neither one needs to shout for the other to understand, where smiles and eyes speak. I don't even recognize us. We're like grown ups. It's kind of nice.

She gives a soft chuckle as realization apparently colors my face. Her laugh makes my heart ache. How I love her. How it hurts that she'll never be mine again. "Promise me," she begins, "That you'll always be my best friend."

I release the breath I was holding, a little disappointed. I don't want to just be friends. I want more. I want her. But that's me. A guy who never gets to have second chances in the romance department. Bitter much?

"Of course," I say reluctantly.

She smiles and walks toward the door with her coffee. Giles is just passing by. They stop walking and look at each other in that cute awkward way then each walks to their path.

I sigh for the tenth time. It'll take me a long time to get used to this.

**The End.**


End file.
